lastmandystanding

Mother. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Blogger. Aspiring writer. Smartass. Sometimes I say funny things.

Archive for the tag “kissing”

A short poem… deep in the feelings tonight.

I want so badly to hate you for what you did to me. To us.

I want to scream and throw things.

I want to curse your name.

I want to hate you.

I want to go back to the night we met and un-fall for you.

I want to go back to every time I found myself falling even more in love with you and stop myself from doing it.

I want to feel the sun on my face and not immediately think of you.

I want to go to a beach someday and not be heartbroken that your feet aren’t in the sand next to mine.

I want to see an eagle and not feel sadness for what it meant to us, which is now all but lost.

I want to cook while listening to music and not ache for the many times we did that together, stealing kisses…flirting.

I want to be cooking in the kitchen in my underwear, dancing, moving my hips to the music, sipping wine, oblivious to the fact that you’re staring at me, completely in my zone, and have that moment when I catch you, catching me, and have that moment of “hey… I see you… where have you been all my life?”

I want to go back and un-believe everything I ever believed about you.

I want to forget you, as if that would somehow make the hurt stop.

I know that it won’t.

I can’t un-remember.

I can’t un-feel.

I can’t turn off my feelings, as much as I wish I could.

I want to un-plan our future.

I want to un-dream our dreams.

I want to un-need you.

I want to un-want you.

I want to un-love you.

But I can’t.

Not today.

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Random and Quirky at its finest

Since I’m new to this “writing for other people to read” thing, I think I need to slowly ease you, sweet little reader, into the mind of ME. You know, get more acquainted.

It’s like dating. Showing tiny little glimpses of quirkiness before unleashing the bat $hit craziness.

I thought I’d do a little randomness tonight…some facts about me. I fully realize that the majority of these will either make me look:
A. Legitimately Insane
B. Judgmental
C. Like an a$$hole
D. All of the above

I have a hunch this might become a regular feature. Maybe even a no-holds-barred periodic Q&A. You send me your questions, and once I get enough, I’ll post honest answers. Yes…I think I like that.

Here they are: lastmandyrandoms. Take #1.

1. I have an honest to God fear of midgets/little people/dwarfs, etc. I don’t know exactly why, but it’s very legit and very much real. My 3rd grade teacher was a midget, and was mean as hell. Maybe that’s it. I honestly don’t know. Two ironic twists here:

• My favorite movie of all time is Wizard of Oz, and…
• I’m 3 inches shorter now than I was 15 years ago. I’m shrinking. Dead serious. How’s THAT for karma?

2. I like the smell of skunk. I don’t want to bottle it and dab it behind my ears, but I don’t find it the least bit offensive, and in fact, might even take a big sniff in when I pass one on the road.

3. I separate M&Ms by color before eating them, and I have to eat the odd ones first. (ie. 3 red ones, 4 greens, 6 yellows = I have to eat one red to make it even)

4. When I was 16, I once pretended that the car I was driving (a 1989 Ford Escort) was a stick shift, because I wanted to look super cool driving past the swarm of dudes congregated in the parking lot I was driving past. And this was the best I could come up with. I’m a moron.

5. Never been kissed under the mistletoe. Or in the rain.

6. It is physiologically impossible for a burp to come from my body. Can’t do it.

7. I don’t dance in public. I CAN dance, I just choose not to…just too self conscious.

8. I think drinking RedBull is the closest I will ever come to knowing what Satan’s piss might taste like. It’s disgusting. I can just smell it and have that smell stuck in my nose for 3 days. Pure evil.

9. I like to put a dab of peanut butter in my spaghetti. But only at home. The face you’re making right now is the main reason for that.

10. I smell everything. EVERYTHING. When I give my kids a kiss on the forehead, cheek, etc., I always smell them as I kiss them. It’s just natural for me. What ISN’T natural, is smelling a co-worker’s wrist to smell her new perfume, and absentmindedly kissing her wrist.

That oughtta do it for now.

Big weekend plans in the works (for a change). Should be interesting. Perhaps some new material? Hmm… we’ll see.

The Wheat Thins Incident

Have you ever been so damn tired that you really cannot and should not be held responsible for anything that comes out of your mouth? I am soooo very guilty of this when I get to my delirious and ridiculously exhausted stage.  I’m pretty sure I possess the ability to carry on (albeit incoherent) conversation in the “awake” world while having a dream in the “sleep” world. I imagine it must be like watching an outgoing, attention-deficient, narcoleptic, multi-tasker fight with herself. (I SO want to keep talking and stuff but I also need to sleep – look, I can do both!)

 Even though he has re-told this story himself, for the sake of anonymity, I will call the guy in this story “Trek”.  Trek has been very encouraging and supportive of me starting a blog, so I told him last week that I thought the only obvious starter story for this would be the infamous “Wheat Thins” incident. He may hesitate admitting so, but he’s pretty pumped to be the first feature story, even if it is under the cloak of anonymity.

 Trek and I had been dating for a couple months, and because of our schedules at the time, much of our quality time was later in the evening, usually just watching a movie with a glass of wine or something. Sounds boring, but it was very “us”. We never required constant going places and doing things to enjoy each other’s company. But I digress.  Back to the story.

 This particular evening, I was exhausted.  We were watching a movie or TV or whatever, and I think I had probably had a glass of wine, which undoubtedly added to my sleepiness. So…Trek and I were on the couch, kissing.  Eyes closed, of course.

 Super tired + glass of wine + late at night + relaxed on the couch + kissing with my eyes closed = in the middle of kissing, I mumbled “wheat thins” – then went back to kissing as if that didn’t just happen.

 In my defense, I wasn’t yet aware that it had actually happened. I was aware that I suddenly had a freaking SNACK CRACKER in my head, but was resting all comfy in the thought that it was just that – a thought. An inside-my-head THOUGHT.

 Here’s where Trek gained infinity bonus points for going back to kissing me (for a second) after that, and not sending my crazy ass packing right then and there. I’m pretty sure the delay was the time it took for him to process what just happened. And process, he did. 

 Trek pulled back slightly and said (very kindly, I might add) “what did you just say?” – and then it hit me. NOT an inside-my-head thought. I just said that out loud.

 My inner dialogue at that moment went a little something like this: “OH. MY. GOD. You are an idiot. Freaking WHEAT THINS?!? When was the last time you even BOUGHT or ATE a Wheat Thin?!? Nice knowing you, Trek. Remember the good times. I’ll show myself to the door, thanks.”

 And with this realization, I instantly felt like an under-age juvenile who was stoned, had been consuming gallons of alcohol, and had just been approached by the police, the DEA, the FBI, my grandparents, my pastor, and a camera crew and was trying desperately to sober up at warp speed.

 So naturally, I did the only thing I could at that moment.  I buried my head in Trek’s chest and burst into cackling laughter.  Tears streaming down my face, I tried several times to explain myself best I could. I tried to explain that earlier that day at work someone in the office was trying to remember the name of this snack cracker: “you know, not Triscuits, but the other…” and I offered up my wisdom “Oh, you mean Wheat Thins?” – By the way, that part NEVER happened. That was the little micro-dream I was having at the time of my now infamous utterance. But I only realized it was just a dream after questioning one of my friends at work. 

 I have to add (mostly as a self-esteem booster) that this incident was not the end of me and Trek.  He kept me around a little while longer, and we are still great friends to this day. And we still share a laugh over this incident, and always will.

 As timing would have it, there is now a Wheat Thins commercial on TV with Brian and Stewie from ‘Family Guy’.  Brian is eating Wheat Thins and Stewie asks for some but Brian doesn’t like the way Stewie says “Wheat Thins”.  If you haven’t seen it, go watch it on YouTube.  And if you can ever watch that commercial, eat, or even look at Wheat Thins the same way after reading this story, you’re better than me.  At the end of the commercial, it says “DO WHAT YOU DO.”  

Yep. Works for me.

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